Word count:8986
hey this is Leo for actualised org and in this episode I'm going to be talking about how to stop comparing yourself to others and I'm going to give you seven key reframes or mindset shifts that you're going to need in order to accomplish this we human beings are really human chimps and what this means just like our chimp cousins is that we're really addicted and wired our brains are wired to care about status our relative position in the social hierarchy and what's quote unquote and normal this is something that chimps obsess about and this is something that human beings obsess about even more and so this is a really like a biological drive in your mind and if you want to unwire this it's pretty challenging not impossible but challenging and what you're going to need to do is you need to start to look at the world and if you're set to look at your social situations in different new perspectives that you may have not considered before these are what I call reframes or mindset shifts and I'll give you seven of those here that will help you to do this but before we get into those let's talk about why we compare at all and the different ways in which we do comparisons so probably the most important reason why we compare ourselves to other humans is because it gives us a sense of value or worth it gives our life a sense of meaning and purpose when I can know that well you know at least I'm better than that guy or at least I don't have the same problems that she has or you know well how am i doing relative to my siblings to my brother to my sister how am i doing relative to my parents you know or my grandparents maybe my parents went to college or they didn't go to college and now I go to college how does that make me as a human being this entity that I am my ego how does that make me special or different or valuable or maybe not valuable so this is the issue of self-worth and this is really tied in with other human beings because the the only way we can really get a sense of our value so to speak is by being in mesh in the social matrix with our friends with our family letter coworkers and with the media and just mainstream culture and what we do is we we kind of put these hidden labels or values almost like numbers it's like we assign numbers to different people like well that guy is really rich so his numbers really high and you know I'm not as rich as him so my numbers a little bit lower and then this whole status game starts to be played and this is uh this can be a real bog in your life can really bog you down as you're going forward and trying to self actualize and really live your life purpose and have just a fulfilling life because that's what you want you want a fulfilling life you don't really care about value scanning and comparing yourself to all the friends that's not what you want so that's one reason why and it gives us a it gives us an escape from facing a really deep existential truth which we don't want to face and I'll talk about that as we go on another reason why we compare ourselves to others is because we're always afraid in the back of our mind of being labeled weird not normal somehow deviant somehow outside the mainstream and that is rooted in our deep fear of being outcast from the tribe it's almost like a fear of death it's a very visceral fear this is why in middle school in high school you spend so much time worrying about whether you're weird or not and perhaps the most terrifying thing that could have happened to you is if your friends thought you were weird because of your haircut or the way you dressed and this continues on even beyond high school goes on in college and it goes on in the workplace and really for most people it just keeps going on until the end of their lives because it's just like a really deep seeded pattern that we have another reason we can pay ourselves to others is some people do it for motivation they feel like well Leo you know competition is a good thing competition fuels me I like to compete with people in the office I like to compete with people in business gives me a sense of thrill and it kind of puts me on my edge and that's how I know that I'm doing good you know when I'm beating competitors so there's that kind of reasoning behind it another reason that we compare ourselves to others is flat-out Envy which is really like a feeling of lack this deep feeling of lack it's like you see that someone has something that you want whether it's their physical appearance or their intelligence or their business or their their their girlfriend or their boyfriends they have something you feel like you really need and without that thing you feel like your life can't be fulfilling or satisfying and so because of this you're comparing yourself to others and you're always you know playing this game in your mind like oh if only I had that thing that that guy has or if only I had you know the sense of humor that she has or if only I had the kind of career that that my boss has then I would be all set in life then I could relax and be happy so this is the envy issue uh for other people comparing themselves with others comes from this real kind of narcissistic egotistical desire to be the best that kind of pride that you get by knowing that you're number one a lot of athletes are fueled by this a lot of successful and competitive business people like CEOs or politicians are kind of fueled by this kind of like thirst for power like it's kind of like there's just like your your ego is tied when in with this idea that you know well you know if I'm the best mathematician or if I'm the best Olympic weightlifter or if I'm the best you know CEO in the world then you know that means something for me that gives me Worth and value and then my life has this this nice juicy meaning to it this significance that otherwise it wouldn't have had so that's the ego issue and then um I think the last one point that I'll make is is this feeling of sick curity so we compare ourselves to others in the social hierarchy because we want to be secure in our own top position so as you're climbing the ladder at work or at school or wherever you're climbing this ladder and you want to get to the top you want to become like the alpha wolf you're tired of being the beta and the gamma wolf you're moving your way up to alpha so let's say you do become alpha then what you do is you look around you to make sure you know what are all the betas and gammas up to so they don't knock me down off my pedestal because once your alpha on the one hand is kind of nice because you have a lot of power and prestige and people look up to you but also it's kind of a downer because the only place to go from number one is down to number two and below so you're always kind of like looking over your shoulder and you're always insecure in the back of your mind and you're trying to maintain that top position and therefore you tell yourself well I have to compare I mean if I don't compare myself then one of these betas one day they'll rise up and they'll overthrow me so those are just some of the reasons right some of the reasons and these probably all evolved from our ancestral history where we came from from an evolutionary perspective because we're very tribal people and we lived in tribes of fifty or a hundred people as they as they as they say so you have to play that game and it's almost like it's not even a game it's kind of like a life and death it feels like life and death it doesn't feel like it's just a status game right it feels like status actually has something much deeper behind it but the reality is is that most comparing is actually neurotic and it robs you of joy and satisfaction in your life and it wastes a lot of your time and energy dispersing it rather than focusing it on the things you really need to be doing in your life to self-actualize so most comparing comes from low self-esteem most comparing comes from not owning your own life from not owning your own uniqueness from just giving in to blind mass conformity from giving in to this lack this lie of lack I call it the lie of lack which basically means that you really feel like if you lack something that somebody else has that that that permanently obstructs you from being satisfied ever in your life yourself until you get that thing or you get that position that that person has that's the lie of lack and then just in general this scarcity mentality that a lot of us are born and kind of indoctrinated into through early childhood is that we just feel like for some reason there's not enough resources to go around we look at life and we say well the people who are at the top you know they have to fight to get their way there and there's so many so many stop spots there's only so many resources and in the world everything is finite there's no such thing as infinite resources and so therefore we have to fight and claw our way it's a dog-eat-dog world and it's a kind of zero-sum game if I win somebody else has to lose kind of thing and all of these things these are not really healthy tendencies these are neurotic dysfunctional tendencies so they can be developed out of so just because the human mind is kind of wired for status and power and sensitivity to what other people's values are does not mean that this can't be outgrown and in fact the mature psyche and the mature ego out grows this and that's what I want to help you to do here by sharing seven key reframes or mindset shifts that will help you to make this happen so here we go number one and this one is very deep this one I call self-worth does not exist so which you'll notice with each of these reframes is going to be kind of taking a belief that you have a very core assumption that you have about life or reality or human relationships and it's going to flip it on its head that's what a reframe is it's kind of the exact opposite so usually what we assume is we assume that we have self-worth and that some people are worth more than other people but actually the truth is this is a very deep going into spiritual territory consciousness work territory insight is that no amount of accomplishments ever gives you worth in life sit down one time and actually question what is worth and where does worth come from who is determining what's worth what if you sit down actually look at it you'll realize wait a minute this this whole worth thing it's just a label it's just a label that the mind projects that attaches onto things things don't have worth yet we treat them like they do you might think that your car has a certain dollar amount value to it in your house and you might even put a dollar amount on your children or on your your wife or on your boyfriend or on your career or on your health insurance policy or something right but you can understand what that really is that's a projection of the ego that number is just something the mind comes up with that helps it to assess whether it serves your selfish interests that's what it is really right but in reality if you look under the veil you see that every human being actually has zero worth there's no such thing as worth every physical object actually has zero earth worth is something that we create as like a social matrix and it's like a consensus reality it's real because we give in to the consensus but that's not something you have to do if you're gonna think critically and independently for yourself this is not just something that you can just kind of like cast off and say oh yeah it's just a social game I don't just mean that I mean like if you actually take a look at existentially what Southworth is you see that no human being actually has self-worth and the attempt to acquire more self-worth is a losing battle because no matter how many external objects you acquire you're never going to feel worthy on the inside only for a short period of time but then it always erodes it never sticks for any length of time why is that because deep down your mind understands that it's a fiction and deep down you know that no externals actually make you a better human being what that means is that no matter cars or houses or relationships or friends or careers or you know people you hobnob with that are celebrities none of that stuff matters in making you a better human being it doesn't help at all zero offer zero help in that regard so what you have to start to recognize that you don't actually need externals to be happy Society brainwashes us into thinking we need the externals to be happy but actually you don't and the sooner you can come around to this it's a big reframe it's really a paradigm shift when you start to realize this and not just intellectually but you actually start to get it like and feel it in your bones you start to realize oh wait I don't need any of this crap oh yeah that really frees me up now to live my life without any strings attached because as long as you believe you really need all this stuff and you really believe some of this stuff is more valuable than other parts of this stuff then you're going to be chasing after it and you're going to feel deficient in some way because you don't have it and that's not a powerful place to be in life you're basically a slave to other people's value assignments you have to recognize that no human being is better than any other human being this is something that the media really brainwashes us with is this idea that well you know he's the president the United States so he has a lot of Worth and value and he's more important and this person is this you know famous celebrity so everyone should talk about them and you know when he dies he'll have a big funeral and people will praise him in the newspapers as though he did something great and you know it you know but what about Martin Luther King and Gandhi you know these were great people that have you know helped humanity sure whatever they did is fine but you got to understand that it doesn't matter what you do it doesn't give you any worth and it doesn't make you any better than the other human being that's just a game that we play that's a social matrix that we play in and you have to come to the point where you just see through the Sham of it and just let it go detach from it and just completely stopped caring about value and you stopped thinking of one human being as somehow superior or inferior to another human being and just put everyone absolutely everyone on the same playing field the best of saints and the worst of dictators put them all in the same playing field there are people who did different things and some of them might have done uh you know wonderful things socially some of them might might have been terrible atrocious things morally and socially but still put them all in same playing field because in the end they're just human beings just like you just like me and the actions that a human being takes in no way contributes to his self-worth because every beat human being self worth is actually zero this is a deep topic that I'm going to cover in other episode so I'm just kind of glossing over it here and giving it to in a nutshell let's go on a refrain number two which is that human beings are too complex to compare it's not like you're just comparing cars or you're just comparing business plans or you're just comparing apples when you're comparing two human beings you're comparing extremely complex and unique organisms and because of this you're really making an apples and oranges comparison every time you take two human beings and you put them side-by-side this is the case because each one of us has a different life history different genetics different personality different family that we grew up with different resources that we had when we grew up different environment we grew up in different countries different parts of the world different governments in different parts of the neighborhood and in different family environments and all this stuff has shaped us has shaped who we are what we're capable of and not all human beings are capable of exactly the same things because we come from very complex origins and also we allocate our time and our energy differently so some people would like to spend all their time and energy focusing on their career and their finances great but then they neglect their health and their relationships and somebody else might do the exact opposite they put all their time energy into relationships but then they neglect their career or somebody else might put all their time energy into education but then neglect their emotions and they're kind of emotionally underdeveloped somebody else might put all their time energy into spirituality but then have no money so where you put your attention and your energy and your focus and all your resources determines what kind of results you get in life a lot of times what happens that we start to compare two people and we say well you know I wish I was more like that person over there you know how come his health is so good my health is so terrible well probably because he's put a lot of focus into herself and what we do is we put these two people side by side and then we feel like we're deficient because like well I wish I had his health you know it's unfair that my health isn't as good as his health but really you have to look at the full picture of this human being that you're comparing yourself to this person you have to look at all the different facets of his life how's he doing in all the other facets of his life it might be that his health is great but then he's really screwed up in some other facet of his life where you're not screwed up but see the problem is is that you can't really take a human being and you don't get a good look at all the fast of his life because you can't see them they're all hidden they're all beneath the surface so rarely do we compare ourselves totally fairly and objectively with the people we usually just cherry-pick our just cherry-pick stuff and it'll just focus on one individual little facet of life but this is a totally unfair comparison totally unfair so we have to take this into account you got to see this happening the unfairness of it happening as you're actually doing it right and you just gotta allow allow for the fact that people are very different and that there's no reason that you should be getting the same result as anybody else because not only can you not see the current facets of this person's life that you're comparing yourself to but you can't even see also his history like where did he come from what was his family situation like what kind of resources that he have growing up what kind of environment he grew up in what kind of genetics does he have all these things are relevant factors all of them so really when you think about all this and you kind of sit down you piece it together you you get this aha realization of like wait a minute it's really unfair to be comparing two human beings at all in the first place they're just too complex to compare and when you realize that then you can kind of drop away this this neurotic need to compare yourself to others and this this happens this one especially happens with celebrities right because we see a celebrity on the news and we see them on a talk show let's say and then they're talking for five or ten minutes doing a little interview and it sounds like from that five or ten minute interview like you get a little peek into that person's life but it looks like you know the person you start to feel like oh yeah I know that person and that person you know he's got such a great relationship and it seems like he's got his finances together and he's got celebrity status like he's on top of the world but really what you don't realize is that you're looking at a little tiny sliver of his life in a very artificial environment on a tabloid or in a magazine article or on this ten minute talk show situation and so uh you do not get anywhere near a complete each picture of their life you get like a 1% picture of their life so once you start making comparisons based on that you're really going off-track the third reframe I'm talking about is the following competition is stupid a lot of us get suckered into this game of competing in life with other people and it can start really young can start when you're just a kid in school or in sports and then that competition just kind of keeps going going you and you believe that life is about competition but this is a losing game because there's always going to be someone better than you at whatever you're doing given how large the world is we got 7 billion people on it there's always going to be somebody better than you and what's even worse is that even if you become number one let's say you become the best in your field of business or sports or whatever you want to be the best in you become recognized as nothing as number one it's not actually going to be fulfilling for you and if you've ever achieved number one status you recognize it there's no fulfillment in it it's exciting and it's fun for a couple of weeks maybe a couple of days maybe a couple of months at the most but then it loses it loses it loses all its spark that exciting feeling doesn't stay with you for the rest of your life it's very short and fleeting it's not really worth that much and what's crazy is that you can be number one and you're actually going to be in fear and you're not even going to be able to enjoy your number one status because the whole time you're afraid of how you're going to get knocked off your pedestal by somebody who's better than you so you're always a little intende neurotically looking over your shoulder instead of being a competitor and being stuck in that mind frame I want you to change that and just realize that competition is stupid it's really stupid it's a stupid way to live life the much better way is to be a creator to just focus on what you want to create in life artistically in sports and business or whatever else and just focus on that because there you're taking your eye off of everybody else and just focusing on what you got to do your own work your own purpose ground yourself in your own purpose and life your own values this is a hundred times more satisfying than being a competitor competition is really for juveniles and for children for immature adults a lot of adults are actually juveniles or children in their mind the mature adult is a creator to such a degree that competition doesn't even enter into their mind anymore and that's where you want to get to so make a commitment choose to become from now on a creator in your life and don't put yourself into situations where you have to compete for prizes or for money or for validation from other people this is a terrible place to put yourself in it's like painting yourself into a corner the 4:3 frame is that yes I have handicaps yes I have handicaps just like everybody else every human being has things that they're good at and things that they're bad at not equally some of us have real serious crippling physical handicaps some of us are blind some of us are deaf some of us are born without legs some of us have a deficient brain or some other genetic condition and if that's your lot in life you have to accept it because otherwise you're just going to drive yourself insane but most of us don't have these kind of very debilitating handicaps what we have is we just have weaknesses and we have natural strength than natural weaknesses but then what we do is we we don't accept these natural weaknesses we wish that we were like strong all across the board in all the different areas of life and all the different personality characteristic that we could have like we want to be intelligent and funny and smart and hard-working and this isn't usually just one at all the full package we want to have good looks but you know you're really gonna be miserable in life if you come at it from that perspective you just have to accept whatever your handicaps are go through a process of just accepting over and over and over and over again whatever weaknesses you perceive yourself to be and reframe them as strengths and the way that I do that is I just I recognize that my life is short and I only have so much time and so much energy very limited time and energy so I don't need to be great across the board let me just focus on my strengths and those things that I'm not particularly good at or that I wasn't particularly gifted for genetically or whatever then those I'll just accept and that's fine because I'm going to pour all my energy and attention onto my strengths and I'm going to be fully satisfied living from that place this is a little easier said than done in practice it can take you months and years to really accept your handicaps and that just requires like loving yourself over and over and over again for those handicaps or weaknesses that you perceive 5th reframe is this being normal is overrated highly overrated the truth is that the herd the human herd that we're part of is actually stupid the average person is mediocre they don't behave in an intelligent manner they don't have a quality satisfying life so you have no business being average or normal the most satisfying thing in life is to be yourself and to really live into that and accept it fully and when we're young we spend a lot of our energy in school and college trying to fit in that's the game we play trying to be normal because it's almost like death it feels like death if we're not at that stage in our life but then as you mature and you get older you start to see that actually your eccentricities those things that you would hide you used to hide in school and college and when you were younger used to hide all those that actually living into the hose and being able to just be fully open and just wear your eccentricities on your sleeve and to really love yourself for them that that's where life becomes really interesting that's where life becomes joyful is when you accept all those and then actually you kind of play into them and you make them a part of your authentic personality your ex institution your eccentricities shine through so you're not just just this like a generic mask but you're someone unique and people see you that way and actually counter intuitively this makes you more attractive and more magnetic than you would otherwise be if you just wore a plain vanila mask nobody likes to be friends with just a vanilla robot who just does the right things the things that are normal and you know inside the parameters of the herd and doesn't really act like his authentic self in each one of us there's this authentic self that takes a lot of time to to unearth it's almost like your honor our unearthing a dinosaur fossil you know you got to sit there and painstakingly brush away all the debris so the fossil finally gets revealed that's kind of the process of life this will take you decades to go through this whole process in fact self-actualization is in one way could be defined as the gradual revealing of your authentic self of your authentic personality but this takes a lot of work in a lot of different different ways and in different aspects of your life I want to make a point about fake uniqueness versus authentic uniqueness sometimes we try to be unique or different and kind of like iconoclastic and not fit into the herd and we pride ourselves on that but I'll often oftentimes that ends up being a fake uniqueness we're trying to be unique but in a conformist sort of way like we go get a piercing or a tattoo or we give it a weird haircut or something like that that's not really uniqueness what authentic uniqueness is is just recognizing within yourself who you really are deep down inside your strengths your weaknesses your eccentricities your true values your passions in life the things you don't like in life yeah you really learn all those through lots of experience and trial and error and then what shines through is your authentic personality and what that is is just you relaxing and being fully loving and accepting of all those characteristics about yourself you're no longer acting you're not playing with some kind of schtick or you're trying to be somebody else it's just like you're fully relaxed and however you behave however you happen to behave when you're fully relaxed that's who you authentically are and so just gradually living into that more and more and more and more will make you very unique we have this tendency to think well if I was just myself and I wasn't trying to be special then I would be ordinary but see everybody else is doing that too because most people are afraid of being authentically unique so paradoxically the way they become the most unique and authentic is just by letting yourself be your ordinary way sixth reframe is the following I'm too busy loving myself to compare myself with others so this means fully loving yourself and falling in love with you and with your life you have to take ownership of your life in a way that people who compare themselves with others don't do in a way that the herd doesn't do right the herd is always looking around and trying to assess its position relative to everyone else on the herd but you as an individual what you need to do is you need to shift your focus totally inward on yourself so that you're treating your own life and your own mind as a do-it-yourself project you're always working on yourself you're working on your personal development you're working on your career you're working on your finances you're working on improving your health you're working on improving your relationships you love the growth comes from that so much that you're so busy doing that stuff from morning to midnight that you don't have time to think and distract yourself with all the comparisons that you would otherwise be doing right see the average person doesn't really have a sense of purpose they don't really love their life they're not owning their life they haven't taken full responsibility for it yet they're not growing they're not self actualizing so of course what do they do they just sit there and then they and moan and complain and they criticize others and they compare themselves and they wish all you know I wish I won the lottery and I wish I was like that celebrity they keep wishing and wishing and wishing and wishing but they're not actually working on themselves so of course they'll sit there and wish they have nothing else to do this is a form of procrastination and distraction but you because you've taken ownership of your life you throw all that aside and you just focus on what you got to do to build an even better life one that you love even more than you currently love your own the seventh reframe is that I love to see people succeed and this reframe goes to the heart of the scarcity mindset that we have because a lot of times we feel like well if that person is succeeding and they're doing good in their life then I can't be happy for them because it somehow means that I can't do is good or now it's harder for me or they have something I really want now I'm jealous or envious of that but see you got to flip that on its head when you see people that have stuff that you want rather than being envious of it what I want you to do is I want you to see that that's like a menu from which you can order and create a vision for your life so what you need to fall in love with your life is you need a vision for your life right like what are you working towards in your life what are you trying to accomplish what's the impact you're trying to have what kind of purpose have you given it most people haven't done any of this they don't have a vision for their future so of course they hate their life and they go on comparing see what you got to do is you got to see that person over there you know they have a lot of money okay great add that item to your list to your vision and a person over there he or she has a great marriage okay add that to your list that's an example of what you could have if that person could have it you can have it and then you just go around and every time you see someone who has something great that you would normally feel envious of what you do is you just assimilate it and you add it to your own vision for yourself and then the thing you construct this this vision you construct is going to be unique to you it's going to be different from all these different elements these things just aren't like sources of inspiration for you they show you what's possible but you're going to combine all the ingredients into your own custom thing so you should reframe this as being actually really happy that that person has something wonderful that you're excited about because that's something you can add to your own vision right and then when you do that what you do is you bless that person you say you know bless you for having that poor love into whatever that person has rather than hatred or Envy with the anticipation that when you acquire what you want then you'll love yourself for that and other people will love you for that - it'll be reciprocated to you because if you go on criticizing everybody all the time for all the stuff they have that you actually secretly want then you're never really going to be able to get that stuff because deep down your mind can't tell the difference between criticism of others and criticism of yourself very sneaky very very sneaky a lot of people keep themselves stuck just because they criticize others so much for the things they really want also divorce the quality from the person so let's say you see someone who's humorous or intelligent or hard-working and you want those qualities for yourself recognize that those are all things you can acquire for yourself with hard work and discipline and if you edged add it to your vision and you work on it then a few years or a decade you can acquire all those things right so it's not that that person is humorous and you're not humorous no it's that that person is humorous great for him that's so cool I can develop that humor in myself that's the reframe every time you see someone who has something awesome I want you to look at that and I want you to tell yourself oh my god that means it's possible for me it's possible for me to have that too I can develop that do I want that yes I want that ok let me add it to my vision now I'm even more excited about my life now I love my life even more and in this way you're basically converting your envy into love and into passion and the last issue I want to tackle is the scarcity mindset idea this idea that there are limited resources in life and limited top positions in life this is something you have to just throw away and the way you throw it away is by questioning it constantly and by also seeing that by focusing on being a creator you open yourself to an infinite number of possibilities the reality is that even though people talk about how limited resources are on the planet and how the plan is running out of resources the reality is that there are more resources on the planet Earth then a hundred billion human beings could use up in a million years the earth is packed full of all the chemical material resources that we would ever need it's all in there and what's interesting is that now we've kind of evolved to the stage in humanity that it's not even physical resources that we need you know it's not like iron and wood and other stuff that we need what we mostly are doing and growing as a humanity towards is just this kind of economy of ideas of knowledge and most of us now are working in creative jobs where we're using our mind on our physical labor and this will just be a trend that continues more and more to the future and what this means is this means that there's an infinite number of ideas that human beings can come up with and ideas are not really competing with each other there's always more and more and more creative stuff you can come up with there's millions of new novels you could write there's millions of movies you could create right there's million millions of new ways to do art there's millions of new ways to combine technology and interesting and useful ways there's millions of valuable pieces of knowledge that you could come up with so there's no real scarcity there if you want to go and you just want to focus on being a creator you can do that without having to look over your shoulder the whole time so keep that mind now what I want to do is I want to end on some of the most common areas that people do comparisons in and I want to give you some just quick suggestions for how to deal with these specific issues so firstly physical appearance is something that we do a lot of comparisons on is my nose too big compared to that person what about my hair what about my dress style what about my body type all this stuff also performance we compare ourselves on performance like am i as hard-working am i as good at that activity as this person is here also we compare very commonly financial and material possessions so how's my dating account doing relative that person how's my stock portfolio doing am i getting as much as that person is getting do I have the same kind of car the same kind of house the same kind of gadgets that person has position in life is another one so you know who does that person notice he knows some celebrity that I don't know how high up in the corporate ladder is he you know what kind of a political standing is you have how high is either we compare ourselves on that front we also compare our business rankings if you're a business person you're an entrepreneur or you're self-employed then you might look at statistics a lot and compare how you're doing relative to your competitors and then of course we compare our abilities very common to compare intelligence confidence humor and other talents like artistic talents or work talent you know like work work abilities I may be musical talent this kind of stuff so here let me give you some real quick solutions for each one of these first of all physical appearance as far as physical appearance go you just have to accept whatever your physical appearance is just flat-out accept whatever you are however you look because you're not really going to change it just bite that bullet accept it and just forget about this stop comparing your worst features with somebody else's best features physically as far as performance goes this one is real easy because whatever performance someone else is exhibiting you can exhibit that to if you just want it so anytime you see someone who's performing at a you know a great level just decide for yourself do I want that same level of performance is that important for me to have if it is added to your vision of life work towards it and you'll have that same level of performance all it takes is just time and work that's it so it's a really a positive thing as far as finances and material possessions go really the same thing if you see someone with financial position or material possessions that you really like and envy just remember that you can acquire all of those yourself there's no reason why you can't there's billions and trillions of dollars exchanging hands in the global economy every single year you can siphon off as as much as you need for that whatever you need to fill you up to your heart's content all you need is you need to have the desire for it you really want it and then are you willing to to go to work for it so get excited get excited by someone having something you like because that means you can get it to add it to your vision as far as position in life and celebrity status and political status and stuff like that goes that's also something you can acquire so if someone has a position or status or celebrity that you want and you really feel like you want it and you need it and you can't let it go then go pursue it there's no reason why you can't develop it yourself it'll just take time and hard work and chances are you can develop as far as business rankings go this one's a real dead end comparing yourself constantly to your competitors doesn't actually produce new meaningful work it doesn't really do anything creative it's really a distraction a waste of time I've wasted many hours of my life comparing my rankings and all my statistics and nowadays statistics are so easy to access with the internet and all that you can waste hundreds of hours doing this just distracting yourself from what you really need to be doing which is focusing on what is your business going to create how is it going to impact more and more people and help them in more meaningful ways that's what your sole concern should be with business not your business rankings and paradoxically what will happen is that your business rankings will skyrocket if you actually focus on what I just told you and lastly is abilities so intelligence confidence humor these kinds of things musical talent artistic talent this stuff largely can be developed you can develop your intelligence to extraordinary Heights no matter where you are right now in your intelligence same thing with confidence you see someone who's really confident you can develop that in yourself too confidence is a really grown trait few people are just born with rock-solid confidence it's usually something that's developed and even those people that are very very confident they've developed it they just developed it earlier in their lives and you haven't seen that process but they went through a process it might have been an unconscious process but nevertheless they went through it same thing with humor humor is something that's highly developable in my own personal life I've developed my humor a lot I've really grown it a lot so there's there's techniques actually a video called how to be funny which gives you a step-by-step process for how to increase your humor and stuff like artistic talents musical talents all this stuff mostly is just skill is skill based you put in the time you put in the effort go through the mastery process and you get really really good and then people will see you as talented so if you see someone who has the intelligence or confidence or humor that you want add it to your vision get excited because within the next 5 or 10 years you can develop to that kind of level and even higher if you really want so those are the quick solutions to those most common um comparisons that people make I just want to end on one last point which is in thinking about this topic I found really only one useful reason to do comparisons and that is to expand your imagination of what's possible in this sense comparison is good and it's useful and it's empowering if you're just living in a bubble and all your friends and your families aren't very ambitious they haven't accomplished very much then you live in this little bubble and you just don't see what's possible with life you don't see how much you can develop yourself how much you can grow yourself how you can change all these things about your life from your material possessions to your performance levels to your level of status to all these uh personal characteristics like humor and confidence and intelligence all of this stuff can be changed and that's what's so exciting about this when I look at other human beings I get inspired by what I can become and in fact I like to study amazing remarkable human beings throughout history and modern ones from artists to politicians to to business leaders to entrepreneurs and and humanitarians study all these people take from them ideas for what's possible for you in your life how far you can develop yourself because there's a huge gap between where the average person is and where a remarkable extraordinary person is it's like multiple levels or orders of magnitude difference it's not just like a 50% difference or 1% it's like a ten thousand a hundred thousand percent difference right and that's why I'm so excited about self-actualization work is that it's possible this is all the process of how do you actualize or realize and close this gap and get to that extraordinary status or level that a human being is is capable of human beings have almost infinite potential in what we can do with our minds and our bodies and our lives so that's why I'm ultimately very very positive and optimistic about my future and your future and humanity's future is because there's so much we can do about this there's so much we can change about this and improve about this whole thing so keep that in mind and hopefully all these reframes will remove the neurotic comparison and then the only thing that's going to be left is just you using other people to inspire you to then love and live your life and design it however you want all right I'm signing off go ahead post me your comments down below please click the like button for me right now and share this episode with a friend and lastly come and check out actualize that org this is my website I have a free newsletter that keeps you updated week to week stay updated with me sign up to it it's free the important part about it is that it keeps you on track see right now you might be inspired by some of the stuff I told you and that's great but that inspiration is going to be temporary is going to run out what's important is that you make a commitment to stick through this make a commitment to to really master your life and go for everything you can be as a human being not just to earn a little more money or just be a little better relationship not that but like go full out for what you can become that's where life really gets juicy that's where the passion comes from that's where you get these moments in your life where you're just like you're just so grateful and thankful and you're just like in love with yourself and your life not a narcissist narcissistic sort of way but in a very healthy sort of way like you just have this ah profound love for life to me it seems like this should be standard for human beings but you know the more I interact with people the more I see that this is actually an exception to the rule it's actually quite rare to meet people like this blows my mind personally I don't know why people are born into this life and they don't shoot for the best that they can be and they don't shoot for this profound love that they can have for their own life kind of blows my mind but I think mostly it's just because they're not aware that's possible and they grow up in you know bad environments where none of this stuff is taught to them and some of these ideas are very counterintuitive you know there's a lot of advanced concepts that I need to show you and teach you over the next few years so stick around a weekly basis you'll learn all those week by week by week just takes about a commitment of it like an hour a week and within a few years your life is going to start to transform and you can start to feel that love for your life and to see the possibilities open up for you so many possibilities will open up for you and you'll be able to see that kind of profundity as possible in life and I'm really excited to guide you towards that and to show you how I'm doing that myself in my own life and sharing the best techniques and strategies that I've discovered so sign up stay tuned and I'll see you soon you